Mortality

Life is short. We've all been told this countless times. But why do we listen to those same people telling us that life is short when they tell us what to do? Don't move here. Don't transfer schools. Don't go out on your own. Don't date that person. Don't marry that person. Life is short, and if there's anything I've learned in my 28 years on this earth.... you have to live your life how YOU want it, or you are going to be miserable.

I just found out that a girl from my graduating class passed away this past week. That makes 5 from my high school class that have passed away. Too young.

I read medical charts for a living. Every week I read multiple charts on patients who have died. I look up at the top of the screen....and the patient is my age. 5 years older than me. 10 years older than me. That's not a lot of time. Who's to say it isn't going to be my name at the top of the page?

And watching what is happening to my husband...just breaks my heart. He can't breathe. He can't swallow. He has to sleep with oxygen. All because of a botched surgery. And no one involved wants to admit their mistake. He's only 31 and already is starting to get cardiac trouble and has gained about 50 pounds since the surgery that has ruined our life. Imagine being 30 years old....and being told you have 10 years or less to live. It makes you look at life at a different perspective.

When we were young, we couldn't wrap our little heads around the concept of death and mortality. We thought we were invincible and were doing silly things like jumping out of the bathtub thinking we are Superman (lol...I had to put that in there, bro!). We get told all through our childhood...play it safe. Be careful. Don't do this. Don't do that. Be safe. Okay...those of you in my generation...do you remember when we would ride our bikes...in the street...without a helmet, knee pads or elbow pads? We fell off our bike, got scratched up, went to Mom for a Band-Aid, went went back out there. Out there. Video games were just a brand new thing then. We weren't texting, blogging, Wii-ing, surfing.... We were out playing.

No one is out playing anymore. We are in our homes, living our lives through the internet. (I'm guilty, too. I think we all are.) We are afraid to go out. Afraid to fight the status quo.

Well, you know what...I've always had this stubborn streak. When I wanted to leave my father and step mother's house, I fought until I got what I wanted. When I went to college, I had more than one obstacle thrown in my way, mostly lack of money. But did I give up? Nope. I was told if I transferred schools, or if I took a year off that "You won't go back. You'll just give up and end up working in a factory the rest of your life.". When I was told that, I said..."Watch me." And in 2008 (eight years after high school and 6 years worth of classes), I graduated Magna Cum Laude. And I paid (okay, still paying) every bill myself. So there. ::raspberries::

Would you believe that I was afraid to tell my mom and dad that I was engaged? I was actually engaged for two months before I had the ring on my finger. But they didn't like the man I was with. They didn't think he was a "real man" because he had a mental disorder called agoraphobia and couldn't travel. They said he couldn't provide for me. They said I should leave him and find a man with money and materials to take care of me. They never got to know this man. And here we are, nearly 5 years later. Our marriage has hit some bumpy roads, but whose doesn't? And now I think my marriage is stronger than those who were telling me to leave Matt. During one of those bumps, it was looking like there might possibly be a divorce. So dad jumps up and yells, "Praise Jesus?" Um, no. That was the nail in the coffin. I haven't spoken to mom and dad much since then. I try to keep contact, but for them, the road (and phone, and internet, and mail) seems to go only one way.

I'm sorry, but I'm going to live my life how I damn well please. I am going to stand up to those who want to stand in the way of me and Matt. It's our life, let us live it how we see fit and don't tell us, "you should do this, not that"! And don't try to take advantage of us. I won't let it. I have an ugly temper...and I'm not afraid to use it anymore.

Life is short. Live it how YOU want to. Not how your parents, in-laws, or anyone else wants you to.

So raise your glass if you are wrong
In all the right ways, all my underdogs
We will never be, never be anything but loud
And nitty gritty, dirty little freaks
Won't you come on and come on and
Raise your glass!
Just come on and come on and
Raise your glass!
--P!nk